Guess...
Rhonda got tired of hearing blonde jokes everywhere she turned so she decided to become a redhead... One day while driving in her convertible around the countryside she notices sheep, with her love to animals, she decided to stop... she started walking around and petting them... The farmer noticed her and asked: Can I help you? She replied: If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one??

The farmer really amused looks around... there were sheep everywhere behind trees, over the little hill and scattered all over the grazing field, he said to her, you got it lady... She looks around for a minute and says: You have 3786 sheep, 110 of them are pregnant and 149 of them have horns... The farmer absolutely shocked says.. How the hell did you know that??

I just guessed - she said... You go ahead and take any sheep you like.. so she goes around petting this one and that one.. finally she picks one and puts it in the back sit of her car...

The farmer with a huge smile on his face says to her... Lady, I'll make you a deal... If I can guess the real color of your hair can I get my dog back??

Scroll down....

Yeah.. what happened??
This elderly couple was sitting on the couch watching their favorite Saturday night TV program. During one of those commercial breaks, the husband asked his wife: "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"

After a long thoughtful silence, his wife, during the next commercial break, replied: "You know, I don't really know--I don't even think we got a Christmas card from them this year."

3 legs??
John and Sam are driving on a country road in Texas, suddenly a chicken with 3 legs passes the car at great speed...  Sam says: Holly shit... did you see that?? John looks at the speedometer and he was driving 90 miles an an hour... It had 3 LEGS... So they decide to investigate. They stop at the farm near by and were greeted by the farmer...

The farmer with a smile on his face says... let me guess.. You saw a chicken with 3 legs...

Sam asked.. what the hell was that???

The farmer explained that Kentucky Fried chicken did research and found out that they were selling chicken legs more than anything else so they engineered a chicken with 3 legs... John that was quiet and in awe until now asked: Yeah.. But how do they taste??

The farmer replied to that..
How the hell would I know???? We NEVER caught one....

What a stud...
An Arkansas farmer got in his pickup and drove to  a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy  about 9 opened the door.

"Is yer Dad home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well, said the farmer, is yer Mom here?"
"No, sir,  she ain't here neither. She went into town with my Pa."
"How  about your brother, Ralph? Is he here?"
"He went with Ma and Pa."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes,  shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy  asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message  fer Dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk  to yer Dad. It's about your brother  Ralph getting my daughter, Pearlie Mae, pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have  to talk to Pa  about that", he finally conceded.

"If it  helps you any, I know that Pa  charges $150 for the  bull and $75 for the hog, but I really don't know  how  much he will charge fer Ralph."