An Alabama State Trooper stopped a pickup truck that was speeding.

The trooper asked the driver: "Got any ID?"

"Bout whut?" answered the driver...

What Number??
A Chinese couple got married and are spending the first night of their honeymoon in an hotel room... The wife having more experience than the husband said quietly to him... I know you don't have much experience, but before we do it, I would like some 69...

The husband with a surprised look on his face replies:
You want Beef & Broccoli???

More Blondes
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.......and one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooo, can you see Florida from here.......?????

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly..

She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Matter of Time??
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "Hellooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs"...

English as a second language
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: 

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?" 

POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home." 

LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE: "It made of concrete."

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one." 

LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?" 

POLE: "All my relations still in Poland." 

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player." 

LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?" 

POLE: "No, I always up before her." 

LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?" 

POLE: "No, she white."

LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?" 

POLE: "She going to kill me." 

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?" 

POLE: "I got proof. 

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?" 

POLE: " She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put

on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'."
(Sent by: Martine Michaud)